I always detect the tone of disbelief, and I always get asked more than once as if I may not have been speaking English the first time. Let me first say that there are no tones of judgement if your personal choice is different than mine. The reality of my expression is that I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to wait, because I don’t feel that it’s said often enough. This is a part of my personal life that I’ve never been shy about when asked; however, this post is an opportunity for me to start the conversation.
That’s always the next question. I’m not going to lie to you and say that it’s easy, especially in such a hypersexual society; however, the “how” is less difficult if you’ve never had sex.
Aside from being an unfamiliar feeling, I don’t put myself in compromising or tempting situations. Choosing celibacy means not teetering lines. The more you entertain an idea, the easier it is to convince yourself out of something you’ve committed to.
Celibacy is not a matter of convenience; if you choose it, then it’s not something you can approach with the attitude that you’ll hold off just until you meet someone interesting or because you just haven’t had sex in a while. It won’t work that way. Celibacy means calculated interaction. You have to approach it deliberately.
I will not have sex until marriage. Period.
Don’t focus on how you aren’t having sex, no matter how much it seems like everyone around you is. Put all of yourself into your relationship with God, your family, your friends, work, and hobbies. Be fully present in every other area of your life.
I was raised on traditional Christian principles. I was always told to abstain from sex until marriage based on scripture (I Corinthians 6 & 7). For most people, that’s easy as a child, but as an adult it becomes a matter of personal choice.
For many people, once they’ve had sex, it’s difficult to see a relationship without it. A part of my personal decision was that I didn’t want to buy into the idea of test driving. I don’t believe God put that much merit on sex to determine the compatibility of partners He ordained to be together.
My decision comes from a desire for someone to choose my mind and my spirit the same way that God chooses me.
Celibacy is not just a matter of not having sex. It is a way of admiring a person for their humanity, maybe even for their beauty.
THE DIFFICULTY OF DATING
Let me speak from experience.
Many relationships that I think I see potential in come to an abrupt halt at the mention of no sex. The dynamic of the entire relationship changes. If contact still occurs, it’s because men see it as a personal challenge to convince me to have sex. Now it’s my turn to purposely do the abrupt halting. Celibacy is not a casual choice for me; it’s a vow between my Creator and me. My relationship disappointments have almost always come from the idea that someone won’t consider me as entire being, because they’re interested in my body first. If you choose a life of celibacy, then you have to understand that someone who will not choose all of you and who will not wait for you cannot be the one.
CELIBACY IS DOABLE…
…if you decide to truly commit to it. This is true for anyone who has never had sex but also for anyone who has and wants to make a lifestyle change. Understand that the delay is not punishment. It’s a joyous (sometimes anxious) period of waiting for something that God has intricately planned for you with someone he designed specifically with you in mind.